#minimeltdowns
It’s been a little while since I checked in with everyone at the #minimeltdowns blog epicentre. How are you all doing? More importantly… has anyone made any baby steps towards getting help? I really hope so. Thoughts and actions all count.
Our son is now one year old and I’ve made the somewhat controversial decision, not to just have some ‘me’ time, but to be completely selfish and be ‘me’ from time to time. Idyllic as it sounds, it’s not without its various hurdles (let’s call them sleeping policemen so as not to over dramatise). Guilt, guilt, guilt is spray painted in blood red all over those, my sleeping policemen.
The sciencey bit…
Guilt is an emotion. It is one of those core, internal, innate states of being. Subtly different from a feeling, which is more the sense of being that arises from that core emotion (more on that in later blogs 😀 ).
Guilt is, of course 🙁 , pretty much classified as a “negative” emotion, along with some of our other old favourites, agony, grief and loneliness – oh, the joy of parenthood! (Fischer, Shaver, & Carnochan, 1990)
For simplicity’s sake, let’s think of guilt as remorse over a past action or thought. Also – now this may blow your mind – it’s usually as a result of an interaction with somebody or people. It infrequently happens just with your thoughts and actions alone.
“That teeny weeny voice inside my head berating me for what I’d done wrong that day'”… sound familiar?
If we all feel guilt to a certain extent, how can we then turn it into something positive?
I have some good news (especially for those wellbeing sadists amongst us 😈 ). It has been found that the basis of guilt is also the ability to feel others’ pain and the desire to maintain connection with that someone else. That’s not the worst news I’ve had this week.
Negative guilt really gets in the way of maintaining healthy relationships while at the same time holding ourselves and our wee ones/family/friends to unhealthy standards.
Used in a positive way, guilt helps us feel empathy, connect to our child/partner/best friend, and get busy making those needed (read needed NOT needed and wanted – let’s not give ourselves too much to do) changes.
I’m sitting here writing this blog entry whilst gently recovering from a night of cocktails and dancing with my new parent friends 😀 . Over the course of this past year, I would usually have felt guilt, grief and potentially agony (especially if the headache had kicked in 🙁 😉 ). I’m actually now actually sitting here, enjoying a relaxing cuppa with my lovely husband in the sunshine, chatting through last night’s frivolities and antics and feeling re-energised for the week ahead with my little, gorgeous boy.
Previous #minimeltdowns blogs….
Minimeltdowns – Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health Pre and Post Baby: A Closer Look
Minimeltdowns – Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health Pre and Post Baby: An Introduction
