Have you ever wondered what it is really, no REALLY like entering this new world of parenthood? One of our new mummies has created the ‘Decaf Diaries’ giving you a glimpse of early parenting and the day to day trials and tribulations….we hope that you enjoy this first episode…So let us begin on………
Wednesday 21st October
“Because you’re mine, I walk the line…”
So lately, our favourite place to take an afternoon stroll is the local cemetery. I figured she can’t wake anyone should she scream and there are trees to entertain those in a pram-based position, and it’s peaceful. There’s also an extensive quantity of reading material for me and a bench for emergency breast-feeding.
The phrase, “Sleep when baby sleeps” has to be the most frustratingly unhelpful piece of advice echoed by those who have long since forgotten the reality of new parenting. Our LO seems to be happiest to sleep when on the move therefore, should I take this advice, I would either cause a pile-up in the town centre or be considered ‘vulnerable’ for falling asleep on the nearest park bench. As it is the local resting place of Stratford’s finest will do for now and the washing up and my nap can wait. As we wander around, and she sleeps, the turquoise stones on one of the graves take me back to my own childhood, visiting a cemetery with my Great Aunt and collecting ‘treasures’ (would that constitute a degree of grave-robbing?) and believing that the metal plant holders in fact provided breathing holes should anyone have been buried accidentally! After a peaceful 45 minute perusal we head back home whereupon she opens her beautiful eyes and smiles – just in time for a brew and Pointless!
Monday 26th October
“The long and winding road…”
Trying to predict the travel preferences of a 10 week old is decidedly tricky. Packing all done in preparation the previous night, now it’s simply a case of leaving. Double-check nappy count. Oh, did you empty the fridge? Shall we take the swimming things? Express kit. Lock door. Bother, coats for us. Forty-five minutes later…and we’re off. Arriving at my mum’s all is calm until the evening. New room, new smells, new people is all too much and a Thai curry sits as we are waiting for LO to fall into a post-feed sleep…and waiting……and waiting!
Sleep. Has she had enough? Have I had enough (no)? Has she had too much? Has she fallen asleep at the right time? The past two months have been a curious see-saw of predicting and noting patterns, then realising there are none. It is getting easier, my husband keeps reminding me of the first few weeks – which have misted over in my memory – when he would wake up to find us in the Swedish brand rocking chair at 1am reporting that she’d yet to fall asleep. It is better. It gets better. It gets easier. And…sleep.
Sunday 1st November
“In the Air tonight!”
Poo is the conversation of the day, or rather lack of it! Since round 1 of the immunisations our LO’s digestive habits have been all over the place, and we’ve now been waiting since Tuesday for the imminent poo. No amount of bicycle legs, tummy massage or drinking orange juice (me) has shifted things – yet there’s definitely something lurking deep within as indicated by both gurgles and pungent aroma! However, it’s now 9pm and I’m now wondering if three glasses of prune juice, a satsuma and a laxative might have been a little over the top – only time will tell!
Monday 2nd November
“We’re going to need a bigger boat!”
Well, not so much a boat as bucket. I’m now regretting yesterday’s de-bung measures, as the phrase, “There’s just so much poo!” resonates around the living room. It wouldn’t be quite so traumatic perhaps if a friend wasn’t vomiting loudly into the washing up bowl in the kitchen due to a sudden migraine. I have no idea why it smells of marmite – the poo not the vomit – but it has the same consistency and colour as peanut butter and is sticking to everything! Mid-clean my friend’s husband arrives to take her home and I encourage her to take the bowl with her just in case. Round 3 of fresh clothes are on and tonight will definitely be a bath night. On tomorrow’s agenda: replace washing up bowl.
Friday 6th November
“Like a house of cards…”
The romanticised month of November – long walks amongst crunchy colourful leaves, crisp frosty mornings and fun-filled firework evenings – is no more! Not even the promise of my birthday can re-inspire my love of the season. So far dank dismal days have made our daily walks less enjoyable and more like a military operation, and a previously happy sleeping baby has been disturbed every night this week by the fireworks. With the joy of jabs round 2 on Monday it’s going to be back to square 1 for a while!
Monday 9th November
“I will survive!”
I was thinking today over the past three months and wondering how we survived. So many things I think we were ready for and others you can never truly asp until that beautiful baby is in your arms.
Key survival strategies:
1) Make a freezer full of meals – you cannot underestimate how amazing it is to have a healthy, nutritious and instant meal ready at any given time during the first few weeks – even if it is the 3rd lasagne in a row! 2) Buy a slow cooker – what a godsend, particularly as our LO tends to be more agreeable in the morning, you throw a bunch of random (and cheap) ingredients in and voila – a meal prepares itself for when you eventually find a moment to eat it (also handy that the whole household can eat in shifts!) 3) Forget cleaning – really, who cares? Not one person who visits will be judging your housework – in fact, they’ll be impressed if you’re out of bed! 4) Use dry shampoo – this helps to perfect the 30 second shower routine (I’ve now worked out that by sharing a bath with LO kills two birds with one stone – albeit with a risk of needing a second post-poop hose down!) 5) Make yourself sandwiches the night before – especially once your other half is no longer on maternity leave – it saves you pining for critical food whilst feeding and only having access to one hand/arm for several hours at a time. Most importantly have a mantra – “You are doing great!” Even if you haven’t properly washed for a week, live mostly on KitKats and can’t remember any of your personal details (probably best or goodness knows what you’d be buying on Amazon at 3.30am).
Friday 13th November
“I’m going slightly mad…”
Well at least that’s what my husband thinks. Possibly I might need to begin filtering my end of day report, as he was rather perplexed when i started rambling about what Frank had been up to during the day – “Who’s Frank?” “Oh, the playmat giraffe, she really likes him now,” “Ah, ok,” Of course I should have stopped there, but continued to talk about the antics of the Geordie playmat monkeys (Ant and Dec)!
Sunday 15th November
“Something keeps pulling me back…”
One side-effect of having a newborn at home is the development of night-vision. You soon get used to relying on other senses to guide you around the house using only the light from your phone! However, judgements are not always accurate – creeping past the dresser last night in saggy pants only to become ‘hooked’ on one of the handles, which then propelled open the drawer to smack me in the backside. Of course (as with repeated toe stubbing) one’s natural response to shout out is suppressed to a whimper!
Monday 16th November
“Hair today, gone tomorrow”
I was warned, but nothing can prepare you for the amount I hair that sheds 3 months after pregnancy. Each morning clumps of hair can be found like ugly beacons signalling my route around the house! I’m hoping it will take a U-turn soon or I’ll be bald by Christmas! I’m one frazzled step away from taking the scissors to it!
Tuesday 17th November
“Stormy night”
So it would seem storms and babies don’t mix. Since the arrival of storm Barney (about as welcome in our house as the purple dinosaur) our LO has been grumpy and unable to settle to sleep. As she’s still in our room and it’s rather noisier, this evening’s discussion (at 10pm) was focused on where each of us would sleep – the nursery is quieter but the monitor isn’t set up, the Moses basket is too small for her now so the spare room’s out. Eventually an emergency camp is set in the nursery if it gets worse. Thankfully the storm subsides at 2am and no camp needed! It’s always a relief when sleep is uninterrupted and we laugh about the lengths we’ll go to when pushed by sleep deprivation!
Thursday 19th November
“Every which way and loose!”
Bath-time this evening was punctuated by several incidents along the short route from nursery to bathroom. After several days awaiting a poo, I narrowly avoid the post baby-massage explosion by careful placement of the soiled nappy. Freshly changed baby is then picked up from mat and projects reflux down sleeve of jumper (which only minutes before I’d proudly noted that it had survived a whole day clean). Put baby on mat naked whilst checking bath temperature – baby wees like the Trevi fountain onto mat and floor, then demonstrates new rolling skill by writhing around in aforementioned wee. It’s magical time!
****Sunday 22nd November**
“Scream like you mean it…”
We’re going through the notorious “4 month fussy phase” which is an oxymoronic joyous hell! Every day LO does something wonderful and new, like grabbing, rolling and laughing, followed by banshee-like screams after sunset. As warned any previous routine is out the window and it’s like stepping back 3 months. Suddenly she refuses the evening feed bottle (watching hours of expressed milk being poured down the sink is heartbreaking) and evening after evening of unpredictable screeching ensues. The silver lining is that, according to a development app, we only have 33 days left in this fussy period, and by morning that smile melts my exhausted self.
“Milk matters…”
Milk is a hot topic on most days…over-production, leakage, expressing, breast, formula – the list is endless. Currently we’re considering the possibility that out LO may have an allergy or sensitivity to milk. Its not out of the realms of possibility, as I needed soya alternatives as a baby, so no more indulging in full fat coffee shop lattes for a while!
A few weeks ago we travelled 3 hours to nanny’s and in preparation I thought I’d run down the expressing for a day or two, so as not to have to keep it cool en route, and just make up the difference on arrival. BIG MISTAKE! We arrived later than planned and my supply had dropped, leaving one hungry and tired baby with minimal milk to offer. I was surprised at the strength of my reaction when a dash to the chemist for an emergency bottle of formula was suggested. I absolutely make no judgement of others’s choices when it comes to feeding, but I felt utterly frustrated and a failure. Mainly, I think because the choice was being taken out of my hands. Thankfully there was enough to satisfy her – eventually.
Monday 23rd November
“Happy birthday”
One of the more unusual starts to a birthday than I’ve had in previous years; Awoken at 5am by a squelch in the crib next to me – I dread nocturnal nappy changes as they are always accompanied by crying, and apparently birthdays carry no carte blanche in the matter – and we’re up! One clean changed baby, I sit to feed, only to realise the gro-bag is still slung over the cot and not on the baby. This soon becomes irrelevant however, as whilst feeding on the right and attempting to express on the left something seems odd. Presumably as a result of tiredness and not a poorly timed prank, my beloved husband has kindly assembled the breast pump but placed a lid between the bottle and pump. On realisation of this I open the pump to rectify the situation and my pyjamas, the baby and the carpet are now drenched in warm, sticky milk and it’s still gushing forth as I attempt to mop up what I can with the already soaked muslin (whilst still feeding an oblivious LO). Happy birthday mummy!
